Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm

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(650): Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm http://tfl.nu/tho2

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(905): View more from Ontario

Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.

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(905): Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home. http://tfl.nu/by9e

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(248): View more from Michigan

It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"

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(248): It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland" http://tfl.nu/fgmr

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(903): View more from Texas

Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.

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(903): Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication. http://tfl.nu/g1e0

Replies (18) Good night (2364) Bad night (1306)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea

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(423): Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea http://tfl.nu/mhka

Replies (17) Good night (1081) Bad night (3028)
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(440): View more from Ohio

I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.

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(440): I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray. http://tfl.nu/d3w5

Replies (10) Good night (1868) Bad night (1045)
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(845): View more from New York

3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.

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(845): 3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year. http://tfl.nu/9uak

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(847): View more from Illinois

I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best

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(847): I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best http://tfl.nu/7i53

Replies (7) Good night (2191) Bad night (1388)
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(269): View more from Michigan

It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.

(1-269): View more from Michigan

I just wanted to decorate you...

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(269): It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair. (1-269): I just wanted to decorate you... http://tfl.nu/gax7

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"

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(202): All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad" http://tfl.nu/wm4r

Replies (3) Good night (750) Bad night (1707)
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(319): View more from Iowa

I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.

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(319): I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine. http://tfl.nu/o11z

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(314): View more from Missouri

Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.

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(314): Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love. http://tfl.nu/b9x6

Replies (2) Good night (1625) Bad night (777)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

This is why Helen Keller didn't drink

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(902): This is why Helen Keller didn't drink http://tfl.nu/wpjw

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(518): View more from New York

Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day

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(518): Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day http://tfl.nu/4jpm

Replies (1) Good night (405) Bad night (274)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.

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(630): I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable. http://tfl.nu/rmza

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