pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
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Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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