My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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