Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
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Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
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Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.