hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
This house was built for laser tag.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
