I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
