I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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