I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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