saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My vagina just recognized that song.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
