saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
