Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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