it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
