Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize