It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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