can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
