shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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