you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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