you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So many bounce houses so little time
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
As shirtless as possible
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
