theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
