I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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