Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
