Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
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wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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