Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
