My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
