I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
