i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
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Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
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Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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