I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
