my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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