My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
