dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You made out with two different species that night
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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