oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
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Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
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What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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