i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
