Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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