Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
