my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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