i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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