This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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