You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
