hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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