my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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