My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
