conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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