so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I need to calm my uterus...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
