1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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