Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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