Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
