Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize