How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i drank out of a bidet.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
