Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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