So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
