you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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