Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
