please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm always down for nudity.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
