I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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