I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
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Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
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Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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