Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
