do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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