You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
